that's when i'll see kevin again, that's when we'll talk and try to figure everything out.  there are two possibilities that I foresee happening and i'm ridiculously afraid of both of them.  aside from worrying about how things with kevin will work, i haven't been doing very well lately.  i've been ridiculously fidgetting to the point that i thrash while lying down.  the safe falls that I set up for myself through-out the week have fallen through for me too.  yesterday, when I woke up, three of my fingers and my head were bleeding.  my head is fine now, it was more of an abrasion but my finders still have open sores.  i don't really understand where they come from.  i have this weird memory of being in matt's room and him asking me to come out and then him not letting me leave.  i know i slept in the upstairs boys apartment the past 2 nights.  i lived with two of them and kevin last semester so i feel incredibly safe there.  i'm also less embarrased when they see me at my worst, since they've come fairly close to it.  i know i'll make it through the rest of the semester just fine.  i've been great through most of it.  i don't really know what's happened recently other than those safeguards not being there for me.

p.s. by "listening to" below i mean "humming"