that's when i'll see kevin again, that's when we'll talk and try to figure everything out.  there are two possibilities that I foresee happening and i'm ridiculously afraid of both of them.  aside from worrying about how things with kevin will work, i haven't been doing very well lately.  i've been ridiculously fidgetting to the point that i thrash while lying down.  the safe falls that I set up for myself through-out the week have fallen through for me too.  yesterday, when I woke up, three of my fingers and my head were bleeding.  my head is fine now, it was more of an abrasion but my finders still have open sores.  i don't really understand where they come from.  i have this weird memory of being in matt's room and him asking me to come out and then him not letting me leave.  i know i slept in the upstairs boys apartment the past 2 nights.  i lived with two of them and kevin last semester so i feel incredibly safe there.  i'm also less embarrased when they see me at my worst, since they've come fairly close to it.  i know i'll make it through the rest of the semester just fine.  i've been great through most of it.  i don't really know what's happened recently other than those safeguards not being there for me.

p.s. by "listening to" below i mean "humming"

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII got an A in math aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^_^

President's Ball was this weekend on Saturday (pictures are coming on facebook but not very many - I was slacking on the camera usage b/c my batteries were acting up and I wasn't carrying my camera myself).  Before the dance my roommates (Amanda and Lauren), Jeremy (Lauren's boyfriend), Trevor and I went to Bob Evans =P.  Then we went to the dance, were there for about 3-ish hours.  I didn't dance much and I also felt kind of bad b/c that meant Trevor didn't dance much (although I had given him lots of advance warning that I didn't like to dance).  But he also kept telling me that he didn't want to dance unless I really wanted to and I really appreciated that I didn't feel forced to like Max always made me feel.  Today we went to zoolights at the Columbus Zoo and it was lots of fun even if crazy cold.  The snow was so pretty and it was so much more fun wandering through the freezing paths at the zoo with someone to help keep me warm.  And the zoolights as always were incredible, you really don't realize how crazy they are until you see them.  So basically the whole weekend was amazing.  I'm kind of afraid I am really falling for this guy hard...=/.

And I haven't done an ounce of schoolwork since Thursday, am completely exhausted and don't know how long I can stay awake, and really REALLY just want the semester to be OVER!

   so its just been one of those days cold icy snow has been coming down and all of the work that seems to implode upon itself at the end of the semester has arrived.  i barely have time to study for the tests i have to take before finials to even worry about studying for them.  Papers and projects run on endlessly and they are working me five days a week. all i really want to do is decorate my house for chrismas and snuggle with my cats reading harry potter. but no wont happen

i was so happy to see you guys how i've missed you i cant wait for winter break so we can all hopefully see each other.  sometimes....its alll too overwhelming...and on top of it i've gained so much wait i'm thinking i'm not going to be fitting into my 115$  size six bridesmaid dress this spring so i have to figure out a way to get it off and keep it off...and stress reduction isnt an option.  such is life i suppose thanks for letting me vent!

 

So first I would just like to say I'm so happy I got to see all of you (minus Maureen =( ) yesterday, yay! =)

To people who yell at me for not informing them of important things, here.  I won't even say anything like "I'm sure people are sick of it by now," because people are sick of hearing me say that too.  So I am telling you all, directly instead of through your own Facebook stalking (which I know would happen), that I am now in a relationship =).  Really for sure officially, unlike before which was less sure and clearly unofficial.  And he gave me a ring with his initials in it, although since it fits his hand it is too big for mine =(.  Today also consisted of lunch at Fazoli's with Trevor and Melanie, dinner with Trevor and 2/3 of his roommates, and watching Wall*E (which p.s. is one of the cutest movies ever).

Other information:  I'm flying out to Illinois to visit him in Decatur over Christmas break, Dec. 31-Jan. 4, and then we're driving from there to Parma until Jan. 6 when he has to head back to Granville to start his paramedic school classes.  That has been in planning about a week but since I don't actually have a plane ticket yet it's still not *definite*, although it is basically definite.

I don't think there was anything else now.  Hope everyone enjoys (blah) starting classes again! =P

EDIT:  I went back and checked all my other posts b/c I didn't believe it, but apparently I have never mentioned that he is an EMT/firefighter and will be starting paramedic school in January...all of which is basically awesome x a whole lot.

I am twenty-two.  woot.  I had a really nice birthday.  I only had rehearsal for about an hour (which has been normal for me lately) so i spent the rest of the day making cupcakes for everyone and going to see the Annie Leibovitz exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery (so amazing).  Then I went out to dinner with all my best friends here, including the two guys I met at church.  So all my BADA friends finally got to meet the "church boys."  It was a lot of fun.  I love birthdays, especially when they are my own =)

Okay, but now I am going to bitch for a little bit, because on Saturday I got the most bittersweet belated birthday present ever.  So I was playing football with the cast of King Lear (random, I know), including their director.  Now, this is the play I wanted to be in from the beginning.  I love the women roles in it.  I even did a Goneril monologue for my audition and thought it went really well.  But I got cast in Bernarda Alba.  And I got a good part in the show, but because the cast is so big, I am literally only this character for one of three acts.  I tried to tell myself that this is an acting conservatory, and everyone is really talented, and the competition is much higher than at home, and only 5 of the 19 girls in the program got cast in either of the two Shakespeares.  So the odds were not in my favor.  But then putting up with this has been more difficult than I thought because nearly all of my best friends in the program are in Lear, and the girls in Bernarda Alba are nice but I'm not really close with any of them.  So while I was terribly happy being with group S for the first half of this semester, the second half with Bernarda Alba has been less than stellar.  So anyway, back to football.  When we were done, the Lear director basically pulls me aside to ask how Bernarda Alba is going and I said "oh, fine".  And then she said to me, "you know, you had a wonderful audition.  I would have put you in my cast, but Jake (the Bernarda Alba director) really fought for you.  Do you have a good role?" That made me feel really happy to know that I did actually do a good job and I wasn't just deluding myself, and the fact that directors were fighting over me is a huge compliment but I WAS SO CLOSE TO BEING IN THE SHOW OF MY DREAMS!  I love Shakespeare and would love more than anything to be a Shakespearean actors.  I am glad that Jake really wanted me, but I did a Goneril monologue.  I made it clear which show I prefered.  And then he got me but gave me 1/3 of a decent part?  I don't understand.  Now I just can't wait for this show to be over with.  I can't believe I was so close... I'm sorry, I know many of you have far bigger problems to deal with than me being like "boo-hoo, too many directors want to cast me and that is just not fair" but you are my best friends and I have no one else I can let out my prima dona bitchy side to.  Thanks for listening. 

Yesterday was my first day of Thanksgiving break - yay!  I had to turn in a paper for my virology class, and that was it - that class was cancelled and I was free for the day, and the absolute most stressful week of the semester is finally over!  So I spent the rest of the day at Denison visiting Trevor, concluding with driving him and Melanie to the airport (although he was the only one who departed there), then driving Melanie back to OWU, and then driving Melanie and Jen Williams home to Parma.  I got home about 3 hours after I originally intended to, in the dark and snow, but it was worth it for the visit.

I've spent most of the time I've been home so far listening to the sweetest CD ever that Trevor made for me =).  And trying to make one for him.  Is that completely lame to just make him the same thing he made me?  Because all I know is I love listening to this, and I feel like it also helps me know him better b/c I get to hear the music he listens to (which, by the way, is mostly country.  I do actually like some country but I usually only listen to it in the context of the few songs I know.  For example, the first song on the CD happened to be my absolute favorite Rascal Flatts song =).  So I guess the point is I like the CD even though it's all probably not what I would normally listen to.)  So anyways, I probably am being lame...oh well.

Can't wait for everyone to be home for break and hopefully get to see everyone!!

Okay, so i shouldn't complain too much because i have a smart partner but oh my gosh i want to punch her in the face and cry.  I feel like an idiot who's being forced to write someone elses words and i just keep seeing her looking at the things I write and being frustrated because it's not what she would say.  She suggested a change and when I started to make it she stopped me because I wasn't typing verbatim what she said.  Some things are dumb too, like I don't like breaking the flow of an argument to say "Aristotle says" before quoting Aristotle.  It's a quote, I can see it's a quote and I read it as such, there's no need for useless words.  I hate talking in this weird "we" or "you" statements as through everyone has to agree with what we're saying because it's the truth or worse that she and i know what everyone else does and should think.  I would rather keep my language in writing so that it only refers to the text.  "We wouldn't say something of the form "Socrates is Leo the Lion"... would be "Something of the form, "Socrates is Leo the Lion" would not be said.  I know this is a minor difference, but that minor difference is something that was changed from what I wrote to what she wanted written.  I just want to scream and I already left the room a few times for "water" just so I would start crying in front of her while she's changing everything I wrote and taking whole paragraphs out of the paper, okay only one paragraph, but I felt like it was important and I had to fight to keep other ones in.  Group papers/partner papers are idiotic.  What's so great about compromise if it stifles ideas?

so i'm not really sure what to post about but i havnt posted in a while...dont worry nothing exciting has happened lately....i havnt been travel europe, or taking care of a baby, or starting a new relationship or anything like that.  THings are okay i've been stressed with work and school but that never really ends....such is life...

This whole last year of school thing is a bad idea.

For one thing, I have absolutely no motivation.  There's essentially nothing I can mess up at this point that will stop me from graduating in the spring besides flat-out failing, and very little I can do that will change my graduate school application outcomes whatever those may be.  So I avoid studying and doing work at all costs (like posting this right now!), and somehow still do fine.  And mostly that just pisses me off.  Yeah it's great that I'm still doing well but you should not be able to coast through college and if you can there's something wrong with that!  And every time that I put off studying a little longer and still do the same as I would have with a respectable amount of time put into it makes me that much less likely to put any effort into it the next time either.

For another, I am so not ready for this whole life thing.  Moving to who knows where doing who knows what at I have no idea what school for the next 5-7 years (that's right, why am I doing a PhD again?) is terrifying.  As much as I don't like change I can handle it much better than I can uncertainty!

There are, however, some perks of senioritis: 1.) Tracing our hands and making paper turkeys to decorate our room with.  And then forcing every visitor we get to decorate one in their own unique way =P.  I made an Indian's baseball turkey; Lauren spent two hours making a completely awesome pair of rock climbing turkeys; Trevor made a paramedic turkey last time he was here =); we also have a turkey that just says "turkey AKA dinner" from someone who was lazy.  2.) Making plenty of time to visit ...people  3.) Installing a doorbell just inside our door (OK, that was Lauren, but it's pretty freaking awesome anyways.  And just demonstrates how far-reaching the senioritis is).  4.) Having roommates just as lazy as you are means there are always people willing to do things.

Hope everyone is doing well!