  M_Hale May 11th Female Granville  Maureen November 21st Female Halifax  Big Guy April 18th Female Parma Heights  Jenna September 6th Female Delaware  kmich87 February 8th 1987 (Age 22) Female Parma Heights  Anna October 27th 1986 (Age 23) Female Norwalk  swedishkitten
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i will recognize disappointment but i feel no guilt seeing kevin again is only weeks away. sometimes i write him letters. they're laying in notebooks, on my computer, all over the place. i'm reading atlas shrugged right now. it's what he was studying when he broke up with me. it's weird because as i read it i keep being reminded of us and how real it was. i'm thinking of him all the time and i'm anxious, excited, and terrified to see him in 13 days. i just bought him a christmas present, kind of. well yeah. i used a gift certificate i got for christmas to order a book i intend to give him. a book i'm quite willing to keep as my own do i change my mind about it's destination. through all of me i can't find an inkling of hate to muster up for when i see him. i can't make it worthwhile to use my pain as a weapon. i went to visit my uncle this weekend. it was wonderful but through all of it, i couldn't stop thinking of kevin, thinking how much he would have loved to be there, to see my most beautiful place and understand why it's beautiful underneath all of its ugliness. because nothing is more beautiful as that which is hidden by the grime and the mud. i suppose i'm saying all of this in warning, that in 13 days all of this will be crushed, whatever this is. i'll have to stop only knowing how i feel and find out kevin's lines. i love him. and i have no doubt about the truth in that statement. i'm sorry to disapoint you, but i believe i am still a strong independent woman, and i feel not guilt.
Feb 19-21 These are the dates of Titus. I would love it if anyone could come. If not, I will try to get a video because it is going to be an amazing gory mess...that is if I can ever learn my lines. One day I was bored so I checked online--the character of Titus has 28% of the lines in the show and is the 14th largest part in the Shakespeare cannon, for a total of around 720 lines for me to learn. It has been very slow going, but I am determined to come back and make a good impression on everyone, especially since David is inviting professional theatre companies from around town to come see it. that being said, I had a mini-freak out today (as it sounds like we are all having) about the future of my life. I feel like my year abroad was a great escape, but now that I am back, I have to face reality (and face the fact that I now have no money). There are some good year-long internships at DC theatres that I will apply for, and League of Washington Theatre auditions in February, but I guess if all of those options fall though, my best bet is just to stay in DC working at Barnes and Noble and keeping my eye out for auditions and tech positions that open up around the city. Living on Ramen and trying to get my foot in the door...I guess these next few years are not going to be easy on anyone...For now, though, I had better get back to Titus. I still have at least 500 lines left to learn...
This is not a happy message Yeah, I'm a slacker. Life is just kinda crappy lately. The semester was extremely hard, my teacher laughed at all of us when we talked about how much work that she gave us. I had no time to breathe (miraculously I got an A-) My roomate also has this stupid boyfriend and it has put a strain on all of her friendships. We finally talked, but I don't think things will ever be the same. I don't like the situation, they have to be attached 24/7 and everything is awkward. It's also really hard with happy people around all the time, and I feel so crappy. I want to be happy for them, but I'm pretty sure this whole situation is not good for either of them. I'm really nervous about teaching, but I am excited. Hopefully the flute players don't hate me, for I was in charge of their auditions. There was shaking and one girl even cried, they were all scared to death. I cannot believe it is almost here, plus I have to take the praxis, gulp. Next year also scares me. I have nowhere to go to. For the last four years, I have been able to hide at Hiram, the first place that I ever belonged. Now everything is unknown, I cannot stay here, it'll suck the life out of me. I cannot become a dang cat lady, it'll also kill my spirit (but everyday I'm reminded how I will never date by my family). I need a home, and it seems hopeless right now. All I know, is that more than anything is that I want to spend my life helping kids feel good about themselves and learn to be passionate about music, but how can I do this when I am still beating myself up? I needed to rant, nuff said.
2nd semester senior? I am home. This semester ended so abruptly that I don't think I'm actually aware of it yet. My last week of class consisted of a 7-page paper, a 10-page (single-spaced) lab report, and a physics exam all on the same day which I of course did not work far enough ahead for, but which is so far in the past now that I'm not sure why I even mentioned it. Oh well. I went to Michigan for Dana's wedding last weekend (pictures on facebook, you have to look at tagged pictures of me though b/c I didn't actually get any of my own), and have a reception for her tomorrow in Strongsville. I had three finals which all seemed to go ok, and over break I must Must MUST finish grad school applications. I saw Trevor last week at Denison where he and his roommate cooked dinner and he cooked breakfast, and he stopped by OWU for a day on his way driving home to Decatur. I'm tired of trying to figure out which if any details people want to know or I want to include, so if you want to know more than that just ask. But if I don't say anything I seem to get yelled at =P. Also, I haven't been able to post comments to posts recently for some unknown reason. So, one orange-colored day well, i had a date last night with a junior in gamelan (balinese percussion ensemble) named elliott. the plan was to watch christmas claymation and i was really excited about it although sometimes wishing this date wasn't a possibility and that i was still with kevin or feeling guilty for wanting to go on this date and not wanting it to go anywhere, the my reasons were selfish and had a lot more to do with kevin than elliott. for the record i really do like elliott, but i always wanted to prove to myself that i could date someone else before kevin came back and then maybe next semester would be easier and i wouldn't care about the things kevin has to say. elliott didn't come. i haven't heard from him. i have no idea why.
Ah the joys of the end of term Sorry I've been a loser. Finals kind of carried me away, but now they are done and I am home. This past Saturday were auditions for our New York Showcase. There were 50 seniors who auditioned and 14 that scored high enough to go... I get to go!!!! I'm really really excited. It is one of the biggest things that I have been working toward all through school. I'm sure that there will be many, many updates on this as I think it is going to take over my life. Plus, as a fundraiser we do cabarets near the end of the year. They are only 10 minutes but they get to be whatever we want. ;) Then Monday I was sick, to the point that I actually went to the doctor Tuesday, only for them to tell me absolutely nothing. Alas. But I am much much better now. Then today I came home. And I checked my facebook to find that Andrew "divorced" me. I'm surprised this has taken so long frankly. I also find it ironic that it is just about one year since the first time he stopped talking to me. I can't tell if it is a good thing or not to care so little about someone....I guess time will tell. I'm so thrilled to see all of you, whenever it is we figure it out!! AHH CHRISTMAS!
I really just want to scream but i'm at school so i cant okay so i got my paper back from my rediculouslly stupid ed psyc class today and i got a C! never ever do i feel i have gotten a C on a paper before. This paper was worth as much as our final and could mean the difference between an A and a B! i'm so frustrated and angry right now i dont even know what to do. I have to take a history final in a half and hour and i really want to do is go into a corner and cry. Im so frustrated i worked so hard i had lizzy proofread it and give imput i thought i did everything right. most of the class wrote it in the computer lab that day and fudged their experiances. like this is why i dont like the field i'm in. All of the issues i've had have always been with this one professor. Being a small campus i have to have her multiple times. I'll have her once more next semester and then again during methods. I just i just want to scream and throw a hissy fit but i'm supposed to be an adult so instead i will send her an email
i fell into a burning ring of fire so not much has been happening with me. this week is finals week!!! i m yay so excited!...so i lack this thing called a life and never have anything to post....yes i know everyone will say i actually do have a life...its just that my life pretty much consists of school and work and when schools out it will consist of reading and work...what can i say...sorry i'm not more interesting...  erin's sleeping = update time! Erin's asleep...huzzah! She is so often determined to not sleep...it's like she thinks she's going to miss something. Ok so first of all...we had to take the dog back because he bit both Andrew and his mom. It was too risky, we didn't want him just randomly reaching off and biting off Erin's arm. The bites were both so random, that was the scary part. It made me cry for a good two hours, but Andrew was such a sweetheart, as usual, and made me feel much better. We'll get another dog later, and hopefully a puppy or at least a dog that has no history of biting. For now, we're just going to stick with Steve. Second of all, I have received so far four A's in my classes!! I am so proud of myself! This semester has been so hard, and so stressful, I can hardly believe I managed to come out of it so successfully. So yay me =) Now that I am done with my self-glorifying, I believe that is all to update. I am really thinking hard about our get-together, and I feel that it might be a lot easier on everyone's schedules if we wait until after Christmas. I can come in during January for a few days, I am doing nothing until school starts on the 12th. It just seems that December is hurried and stressful enough, with everyone doing the family stuff and whatnot. Not that I don't wish I could do it sooner =( I am coming into Cleveland today and staying until Sunday, but almost all of that is already dedicated to family stuff =( Sunday would be the only night I could do anything, so if that works for everyone by all means let me know!! I will work out whatever I can to see you guys!!! I think that's all. I must get back to finish my packing. Love you all!!!
foot boy This is just another thought about how happy I am that nothing happened between Jimmy and me. The past few days to destress he's been getting high and even though I think marijuana should be legal that doesn't mean I don't think it's a dumb thing to do and it's not something I'm willing to put up with. That and Jimmy has been a good friend now that I know we're friends and don't have to worry about there being more to it and the things he does/says to me.
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